June 2, 2012

It is a late Saturday morning, and the summery weather of the past few days has been replaced with one of romantic autumn. Outside my windows, an ocean of green leaves is waving as they cover the trees which are lined along the street. The rain has just ceased. I love these interludial days of respite – autumnal episodes in-between spring and summer. I can sit home all day long during these days of gift, work, play and write, without feeling that I’m missing anything outside – I call them “hot cocoa days”. And now too, the lush wet greenery with its wondrous vitality can be seen through the windows – how simple are the greatest joys of life: just the thought of touching a wet leaf as it’s hanging closely off a gentle twiglike tree branch fills the heart with yearning.

Last night I dreamt a heart-penetrating dream about a death of a childhood friend. I woke up with a profound sensation of loss. First, the paranoid thought of illness struck me, but soon enough the interpretation of the dream revealed itself in the context of the feeling of loss of all the things that I had once and now I don’t have anymore.

The amazingly simple truth is that physically and mentally I could do today everything that I did twenty years ago. The real reason for the sensation of loss is inherent in the many sacrifices made for the lofty cause – Music. Yet I feel peaceful and happy now, because of the continued acceptance of who I am and the understanding that my way is right and goes hand in hand with who I am.

Life here in Boston for already close to twenty years is musically better for me than life in Israel. Beyond that, it requires giving up many things that I had there and I don’t have here any longer: being physically close to many of my loved ones, sensing the Mediterranean liveliness and excitement, the wonderful sea and Tel-Aviv’s never-ending nightlife - all of these and many others are sacrificed day in, day out, hour by hour, for the sake of my musical identity. My dream about loosing my childhood friend demonstrated the painful loss of youth, the reason of which is not any physical or mental limitation or a younger or older age, but the willingness to give away everything in life for one single noble cause.